Saturday, May 10, 2014

Back to the Future

For the second entry in my blog challenge I decided to write about Back to the Future. There is no real reason other than it got mentioned at work today. Hard to believe that movie came out when I was a little kid. The future envisioned in the second movie is a far cry from the present but it interesting to see what they used to think the future would be like. Kind of like 2001: a Space Odyssey's vision of the future. While we have come quite a way with artificial intelligence, a computer capable of deciding to kill a human being of its own volition does not seem likely. We can make computers follow a strict set of rules which can  help them perform complex tasks but sentience is not one of them.

Anyway, back to BTF. I remember the quirky character of the professor best. There was always something about Christopher Loyd that I loved. I especially liked that character. The fact that he was brilliant made it okay that he was quirky. I think a character like that needs a normal character like Marty to balance it out. I really like the part where George finally stands up to Biff even though it took his attack of Lorraine to do it. You see I feel kind of like I'm George before he gets the guts to stand up to Biff. I let people walk all over me because I don't have backbone enough to stand up for myself. I am too concerned with what people think of me.

I'm sure there is some reason for my cowardice and some way for me to overcome it. Maybe it will take some extreme situation which forces me to step up and have courage for me to finally overcome it. If that is the case though, I think I'd rather stay a coward. Any extreme situation which requires me to have courage is potentially dangerous to those I love. I feel like I will never be complete as long as I remain a coward. Perhaps I should embrace my cowardice. If, indeed, it truly is part of me then I should accept that it is, right?

Of course, if ex is my Biff, then perhaps I have already stood up to him by leaving and refusing to go back. What if my Biff is my dad though? I still have trouble standing up to him. I may be a grown woman but I cower from my father. More from his opinion of me than from what I'm afraid he'll do. I know he can't do anything to me. I think he has pretty much given up on controlling me and so we usually get along pretty well when we interact. Still, I do not want him to know certain things about me. There is much I feel that would earn his disapproval even though I know that my siblings do not seek his approval and I should not either.

I am starting to see that people will think what they will regardless of what you say, or even what the truth is. I do not see how my changing in order to appease them or impress them will actually change what they think. Even if it did, how does that help me? It just hides who I really am away from the world. If people think I'm weird, so what? If people think I'm crazy (as long as they don't try to lock me away) so what? If ex thinks I used him and never loved him, so what? If that makes him feel better (not have to take responsibility for his portion in the dissolution of our marriage) let him think that.

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