So I have been studying happiness in my positive psychology class and I have decided that my level of subjective well being is not entirely what it should be. I think part of the reason for this is that I am worrying too much over some things that will resolve themselves eventually anyway. So I have decided that I am not going to worry anymore. I will still try my best at everything and if things do not work out, I will simply try it a different way.
I had quite a bit of reading to do for my school this week, a total of eight chapters I think. I had a few late nights trying to get it done in time and I still have two assignments to complete. School is one of the things I have been stressing about. I stress about whether or not I am going to get a good grade and when the teachers wait until the last minute to post the results, I stress about what the outcome is going to be when there is no possible way for me to alter it. I just have to submit my assignment and then let it go. I think it might help if I was better prepared each week. If I did not let myself get behind and then try to catch up, that might help as well.
Another thing I have been stressing about is bills. Of course, there is nothing I can do about that either. I am doing all I can do right now. Perhaps one day my blog will go viral and I will make some serious money off of it, but I am not holding my breath for that to happen. I guess I just have to sit down and figure out exactly what I need to be able to stay within budget, whether or not I have to cut back on a few things, and then do what needs to be done.
Another stressor has been this whole healthcare thing. I know it is supposed to be affordable, based on income, but I cannot afford the bills I have now. How am I going to add one more? But, if I don't then I'll get a fine taken out of my tax return, who knows how much my return will even be in the first place? Anyway, money matters aside, I am doing well health-wise. My girls are well, although two of them are currently under the weather they are getting better.
I guess I just need to let go of anything I cannot change and focus on what I can change. Perhaps when that happens the answer to my problems will become clear.
There is one more thing that I have been thinking about that I should just let go and it has to do with my loneliness and certain unrequited feelings mentioned in an earlier post. I think that perhaps this matter, at least, is one that it is in my power to change. I am merely lonely because I reject those who offer their advances for one reason or another. I do not think the answer is to accept advances just for the sake of satiating my appetites. I think that the answer to this is simply to focus on my art, throw myself into it. Perhaps I could write a story or work on my painting for next year's art show. I have much work to do in that regard. One thing is certain, however. I will not be any happier for moping around feeling sorry for myself. If I want things to change, I have to get out there and change them myself. If I want things to remain the same, I should keep doing what I'm doing.