Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Blog challenge question eight: What am I worrying about?

Guess the answer to this question is probably the one that most single moms would write. I'm worried about if I'm doing right by my kiddos. I'm worried about financial issues. I'm worried about these things but I'm also a little worried about school. I am not sure how I am going to pay for school for the rest of these semester and if I can't I wonder if I will have to drop my future classes for this year and come back next year. If I do have to do that, it will be difficult for me to finish and get my associates degree any time soon. I am thinking that I should get another job as soon as school starts. I guess I might have to get a baby-sitter for the weeks I have the girls so I can work it. I need to keep Storms as my full time job because I will not be making as much money just starting out at a new job. I cannot seem to get any jobs that start higher than min. wage, so...

If only my writing could sustain us, or at least supplement my income. I am also worried for my writing career. I am worried that I am not good enough to sell a story or a book or even an article. I am learning things from my college courses that are helping me to become a better writer, there is no doubt about that. However, I am still worried that it will not be good enough. There is so much competition out there.

I am worried that my landlord will never fix my door and I will live in sub-par conditions until I can afford to find another place. This, at least, I have good reason to worry about since it has been almost two weeks and still not an inkling of any action on his part. I think he is waiting for the guilty party to pay him for it but we're waiting on the court system for that and so that could take months if not longer.

But what good is worrying in the long run? It does not help me get the things I want. It does not help me be a better person. It only makes me sick to my stomach. I wonder if I am becoming a better person as I age. I hope this is the case. I will be 30 in two weeks and I have been wanting to do something special for my thirtieth but I think that is going to have to wait. Maybe I'll do something special for my fortieth instead. I hope I'm in a better place then.

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